In a devastating development for one man’s social status, Charles Lawrence made the tragic mistake of disclosing his lack of knowledge about headphone types to one of his work buddies. The public shaming that immediately ensued indicates that what Charles said to his friend was not actually shared in confidence.
Last Monday morning, at approximately 8:07 AM PST in Seattle, Washington, Charles pushed away from his desk at the telemarketing company he has worked at for the past five years and stood up to make a statement to his “friend” that would forever change both of their lives. Charles had the following to say about how the incident occurred, “All I said to him was that he had dope headphones. I had seen him enter the office with new headphones on just moments before, so I thought I would go compliment him on his purchase. I had taken heat from my piece-of-shit kids plenty of times before for not knowing the difference between headphones and earphones, and I didn’t think the young guy in the cubicle next to me would be such an asshole about it. I was wrong about everything.”
Before Charles could even finish his statement, the hooting and hollering from across the room had already begun. Chaos erupted as word of the blunder traveled like a lightning bolt through the office. Work acquaintances that Charles had confided in for years were rolling on the floor laughing and pointing.
The man Charles made the statement to, David Johnson, couldn’t wait to share his story with us, “I still can’t believe that idiot said that – they were clearly earphones and not headphones! It’s not like I’m not going to share that with everyone in the office. I mean, in 2016, that’s like pissing your pants at your desk – I couldn’t keep that gold from the rest of the office. In all honesty, I found myself feeling embarrassed for his friends and loved ones, and I’m not entirely sure I can ever look him in the eyes again.”
Charles was gracious enough to offer up some final insight, this time on the aftermath of the situation, “I’ve cried myself to sleep every night for the last week. Every time I walk outside, I’m ridiculed to no end. People that I haven’t even met before laugh and look down on me. The same thing happened when I didn’t know the difference between House and Dubstep, and once again when I couldn’t figure out who or what a tweet was. I can’t even escape it at home, as my kids and wife have joined in on the relentless mockery.”