Presidential Hopeful, Donald Trump, Enlists Hardwell To Create His Campaign Theme Song

President-assigned-hardwell

2016 Republican frontrunner, Donald Trump, has had poor luck with his choice of campaign songs. Denied by Bruce Springsteen, treated as a persona non-grata by the estate of The Ventures, and even denied by Maroon 5. Maroon ‘they’re still a band?’ 5! But, that is about to change.

In a Twitter exchange, Hardwell reached out to Trump, offering to compose a campaign song for him. When asked why, Robbert van de Corput replied, “I was at one of his rallies – I’m not sure – maybe the one at Red Lobster, and this jingle came on, and I thought – wow, this is so good, what a unique and incredible song, but it turned out it was just my cell phone’s ringer. Donald doesn’t have a song, he has 15 children chanting his name loudly while he spins in circles like an airplane before he takes the stage.” When asked to get to the point, Hardwell continued, “so, I said I would compose a song, it would be the greatest gift I could give him.”

When asked about Hardwell’s magnanimous gesture, The Donald had this to say, “I heard someone with an accent talking, and I was about to shoot him, but he was white, so I kept listening. He’s some dance guy, does some tetris bleep bloop. But, he said he would give me a free song, so we shook on it.” Our conversation was interrupted by a seagull that mistook his toupee for a dying rodent.

Hardwell’s instagram showed him pantless in a studio, holding a cowbell and a strategically placed KFC Double Down, with the caption, “Making america gr8!”

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Intoxicated Reporter

Intoxicated Reporter

Out-of-control and forever-drugged - reporting every event incorrectly with extreme diligence.